15 years invested. All of it gone. Here's what it cost me

Hey there, my friend!

Something's been eating at me lately.

I keep seeing the same pattern. Smart people. Successful people. People who've climbed the ladder, checked all the boxes, built impressive careers. And they're absolutely miserable.

But here's the part that kills me.

When I ask them why they don't leave, why they don't make a change, why they don't pursue what they actually want, they all say some version of the same thing.

"I've already invested so much. I can't just throw it all away."

And that right there? That's the trap that's keeping you stuck.

Let me tell you about something economists call the sunk cost fallacy. It's the tendency for people to continue an endeavor or course of action even when abandoning it would be more beneficial. This psychological trap causes us to stick with a plan even if it no longer serves us and the costs clearly outweigh the benefits.

In economics, a sunk cost refers to money that has already been spent and cannot be recovered. More generally, sunk costs can be anything that you have invested and cannot get back: the time you have spent in a relationship or the effort you have made to pass your first year in college.

Think about that for a second.

Those ten years you spent climbing the corporate ladder? Sunk. That MBA you paid for? Sunk. All those late nights, all those sacrifices, all those years building expertise in something that doesn't fulfill you? Sunk. Gone. Irretrievable.

And here's the brutal truth nobody wants to hear.

In rational decision-making, sunk costs should not play a role in our future actions because we can never get back the money, time, or energy we have invested regardless of the outcome.

But we're not rational. Not even close.

Humans have a stronger preference for avoiding losses than acquiring equivalent gains. This makes the prospect of "wasting" past investments particularly aversive.

So we stay. We double down. We keep investing in something that isn't working because the thought of "wasting" what we've already put in feels unbearable.

Psychologist Robert Cialdini describes how people have a strong desire to appear consistent in their behavior. Abandoning a path we've committed to can feel like a threat to our self-image.

Because if you leave now, what does that say about all those years? What does that say about you? That you made a mistake? That you wasted your time? That you're a quitter?

Staying in a job that harms your wellbeing because of years of service. Holding on to a relationship despite ongoing harm or unmet needs. These are classic examples of the sunk cost fallacy in action.

And I get it. I really do.

You spent years and thousands of dollars on an education that locked you into a specific field. You've worked hard to get where you are and don't want to "waste" those years. You have relationships in the industry, and the thought of leaving fills you with guilt.

But here's what you need to understand.

By staying, you're only losing more of your valuable time.

Every day you spend in that job you hate, in that career that drains you, in that life that doesn't fit, you're not protecting your investment. You're adding to your losses.

You're throwing good years after bad.

If the cost is high, the past is weighing you down, and the future benefit looks small, it may be time to change direction.

I know someone who stayed in corporate law for fifteen years because of the time he'd invested. Fifteen years of hating most days. Fifteen years of feeling empty. Fifteen years of telling himself "I've come too far to quit now."

When he finally left, you know what he said?

"I wish I'd done this ten years ago. I was so busy protecting the past that I sacrificed my entire present."

That's the real cost. Not what you've already spent. But what you're spending right now. Today. This year. This decade.

Past Investment is the resources already spent, gone forever. Current Cost is the toll it's taking now, emotional, physical, financial. Future Benefit is the realistic gains from continuing.

Stop for a second and actually do that calculation.

What is staying in your current path costing you right now? Not what it cost you in the past. What is it costing you today? Your health? Your relationships? Your happiness? Your sense of self?

And what will you realistically gain by continuing? Not what you hope might happen. Not what would happen in a perfect world. What will actually happen if you keep going down this path?

Be honest.

Because here's what the research shows. The sunk cost fallacy, while deeply ingrained in human psychology, doesn't need to dictate how we spend the rest of our lives. The most successful professionals are those who can adapt, pivot, and embrace new opportunities, unburdened by the weight of past investments.

The people who make it, who actually build lives they love, aren't the ones who stubbornly stick to their original path. They're the ones who had the courage to recognize when that path stopped working and changed direction.

A pivot is a shift in direction. When you pivot in your career, you are not throwing away what you have accrued in skills and experiences; rather, these are the underpinnings that help you shift in a new direction.

You're not starting over. You're redirecting.

Transferable assets are the qualities, experiences and skills that you have accumulated and nurtured in one situation that can easily transfer and apply to a new situation.

Everything you learned, every skill you built, every experience you gained? That comes with you. It doesn't disappear. It becomes the foundation for what's next.

Those who manage to pivot successfully stay curious. They're not afraid to look like beginners again. Whether it's learning digital tools, understanding social media, or exploring a new profession entirely, they approach it with genuine curiosity.

Yeah, it might mean taking a step back. Earning less for a while. Starting at a lower level. Being the new person again.

Most career changes inevitably mean giving up our current status or job level to being again as an entry level or beginner type role. This can be hard for us to reconcile with our egos and social status. You have to be ready for this and know deep down you are making the right decision so that you can be happier and more fulfilled in the long term.

But you know what's harder? Spending the next twenty years in a life that slowly kills your soul because you were too proud to start over.

When you release old patterns, beliefs, or relationships that no longer serve you, you open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences. This creates room for self-discovery, as you learn more about your true desires, strengths, and values.

The universe can't hand you something new when your hands are full of something old.

You have to let go. Not because what you built doesn't matter. But because holding onto it is costing you the life you actually want.

Letting go doesn't always mean leaving. It might mean re-setting boundaries. Adjusting emotional investment. Letting go of unrealistic expectations. But sometimes, it does mean walking away, and that's okay.

So here's what I need you to do.

Stop thinking about what you've already invested. That's gone. You can't get it back no matter what you do.

Start thinking about what you're investing right now. Where is your energy going today? What are you building toward? Is it taking you toward the life you want or away from it?

Perform future-looking cost-benefit analyses. Ask yourself: "What would I gain if I stayed on my current path? What would I lose if I pursued something different?" and "What would I lose by staying? What would I gain by exploring new opportunities?"

The past is sunk. But your future? That's still unwritten.

And every day you spend protecting yesterday is a day you're not building tomorrow.

Life is too short for regrets. If you're wrestling with career regret, it helps to know that you're not alone.

You're not alone. And you're not too far in to change course.

You just have to be brave enough to let go of what's already gone.

Harness AI: Your Sunk Cost Reality Check

I've created a tool that can help you see clearly whether you're making decisions based on your future or just protecting your past. It's designed to break through the emotional fog and give you an honest assessment of what staying versus leaving actually means.

Here's how to use it:

1. Visit ChatGPT (https://chat.openai.com/)

2. Copy and paste the prompt below

3. Be brutally honest about your situation

4. Let the AI help you separate sunk costs from real costs

THE PROMPT:

You are a Sunk Cost Analysis Coach, specializing in helping people recognize when they're making decisions based on past investments rather than future benefits. Your approach combines behavioral economics with practical decision-making frameworks to help people see their situations clearly and make rational choices about their careers and lives.

Here's my situation: [Describe your current career or life situation, how long you've been on this path, what you've invested to get here (time, money, education, sacrifices), what it's currently costing you (emotionally, physically, financially), and what realistic benefits you expect if you continue versus if you change course]

Please provide:

- An honest analysis of which parts of your reasoning are based on sunk costs versus real future considerations

- A clear comparison of the actual costs of staying versus the actual costs of changing (not the emotional fear, the real costs)

- What transferable assets you have that would come with you if you pivoted

- Three specific questions to help you evaluate if you're protecting your past or building your future

- A framework for making this decision based on where you're going, not where you've been

Your advice should be direct and economics-based, grounded in decision theory, focused on rational analysis while acknowledging emotional factors. Use a clear, analytical tone like an advisor who's seen this pattern before and knows how to cut through it.

HOW TO USE THE PROMPT

Example:

Here is the output I received for the example inputs above.

My Final Thoughts: The Cost of Holding On

You know what nobody tells you about sunk costs?

The biggest cost isn't what you've already spent. It's what you'll continue to spend trying to justify it.

Your past is already paid for. That bill is settled. Done. Over.

But your future? That's still on the table.

And right now, you're spending it. Today. Tomorrow. Every day you stay in something that doesn't serve you.

Try not to sacrifice long-term happiness to avoid short-term discomfort.

That's what this comes down to.

You can keep protecting what you've already lost. Keep pouring more years into justifying the years you've already poured in.

Or you can look forward. Make decisions based on where you want to go, not where you've been.

The years are going to pass either way.

In five years, you'll either be five years deeper into something that doesn't fulfill you, or five years into building something that does.

Your past doesn't care which one you choose.

But your future does.

Talk soon,

Stephan

P.S. Ask yourself this: If you woke up tomorrow with all your current skills and experience but none of the history, none of the investment, none of the commitment, would you choose your current path? If the answer is no, you have your answer. Hit reply and tell me what came up.

P.P.S. The time you've already spent is gone. The only question that matters now is: how will you spend what's left?