Reclaim Your Most Precious Resource: Why Selective Caring (Not Caring Less) is the Key to Freedom.

Hey my friend,

I'm writing this from a small ocean front café in Tenerife (yes, I’m finally back), where I've been people-watching for the past hour. There's something fascinating about observing strangers in a place where nobody knows my name.

Have you ever noticed how exhausting it is to constantly care about everything?

• The LinkedIn update from someone who seems to be "winning" at life.

• The family member's subtle judgment about your career choices.

• The unspoken expectations to climb ever higher on a ladder you're not sure you even want to be on.

What if I told you the path to freedom isn't caring more deeply about everything, but rather, caring intensely about fewer things?

Let’s dive in.

When I Finally Stopped Caring About the Wrong Things

You know that feeling when you're exhausted but can't sleep because your mind won't stop racing with thoughts about work, obligations, and what everyone expects from you?

That was me every night in Singapore.

I still remember that evening when everything shifted. I was sitting on my balcony overlooking the city lights, a view that was supposed to symbolize "making it." My laptop was open with three different presentations I needed to finish by morning. My phone wouldn't stop buzzing with emails from colleagues in different time zones.

On paper, I had everything: the prestigious position, the global recognition, the compensation package that my parents bragged about at family gatherings.

And yet, in that moment, looking out at a city full of lights but feeling completely dark inside, a question surfaced from somewhere deep within me:

"If I disappeared tomorrow, what would I regret not having given my heart to?"

It wasn't a morbid thought – it was clarifying. Like suddenly someone had adjusted the focus on a blurry photograph, and I could see with perfect clarity how much energy I was pouring into things that brought me no joy, no purpose, no sense of meaning.

I had been giving away pieces of my soul to:

• Impressing people I didn't even respect

• Climbing ladders I didn't actually want to reach the top of

• Maintaining an image on social media that felt increasingly foreign to me

That night, I decided to change the direction of my life. In my journal I wrote:

"From this day forward, I will be fiercely selective about what gets my emotional energy. My caring is sacred. My attention is finite. My heart is not for sale."

It wasn't dramatic. I didn't quit my job the next day or make some grand announcement. But something fundamental had shifted.

I had given myself permission to care deeply about fewer things – the right things – and to let go of the rest.

And that quiet, internal decision was the first step toward the freedom I now experience daily.

You only have a finite reservoir of emotional and mental energy to distribute each day. This isn't philosophical conjecture – it's backed by neuroscience.

Your brain's prefrontal cortex, the command center responsible for decision-making, willpower, and focused attention, is subject to depletion. Studies from the University of Michigan have shown that making decisions and exercising self-control literally drains glucose from this region of your brain.

In other words, caring is a zero-sum game.

When you care about everything – your boss's passing comment, your LinkedIn engagement metrics, your colleague's new promotion, your ex's vacation photos, your neighbor's home renovation, your high school classmate's wedding – you're spreading your caring so thin that nothing receives the full power of your attention and heart.

Imagine having just $100 of emotional currency to spend each day.

How the average high-achiever spends their daily emotional currency:

• $25 on workplace politics and impressions

• $20 on social media comparisons and reactions

• $15 on family/cultural expectations

• $15 on financial anxieties that can't be solved today

• $15 on maintaining a successful "image"

• $5 on replaying past mistakes or embarrassments

• $5 on actual personal values and joy

At the end of this allocation, you're emotionally bankrupt with nothing left for what actually matters to your soul.

How I learned to reallocate my emotional currency:

• $60 on activities aligned with my deepest values

• $25 on relationships that nourish rather than drain

• $10 on necessary professional functioning

• $5 on cultural/social expectations that can't be avoided

This isn't selfishness – it's spiritual mathematics.

It's the recognition that your caring is too valuable to waste on things that don't matter in the grand story of your life.

The Five Freedom Questions

Whenever I feel that familiar tightness in my chest, that sensation of being pulled into caring about something that doesn't truly matter to me, I pause and ask myself:

1. Will this matter to me on my deathbed?

This isn't morbid – it's instantly clarifying. Most things that consume our daily worry won't even register in the final accounting of our lives. That presentation typo? That awkward thing you said at lunch? That person who didn't text back? That competitor who seems to be outpacing you? Gone from memory in months, if not weeks.

I once spent three sleepless nights worrying about a comment my boss made about my project. Three years later, I can't even remember what the project was about.

2. Is this within my circle of influence?

This question comes from stoic philosophy, and it's transformative. If something is outside your control, caring deeply about it is not just wasteful – it's self-torture. The weather, other people's opinions, market fluctuations, past events – caring intensely about what you cannot influence is the definition of suffering.

I keep a small diagram on my desk: two circles, one inside the other. The inner circle represents things I can directly control. The outer circle represents things I can influence but not control. Everything outside both circles is beyond both my control and influence – and therefore not deserving of my emotional energy.

3. Does caring about this align with my core values?

This is perhaps the most important question. If your core value is family connection but you're obsessing over a stranger's comment online, your caring is misaligned. If your core value is creative expression but you're pouring your energy into impressing acquaintances, your caring is misaligned.

The most precious resource you have isn't money or even time – it's your capacity to care. When you spend it on things misaligned with your values, you're committing a form of spiritual embezzlement against yourself.

4. Who would I be without this concern?

This question, borrowed from Byron Katie's "The Work," has been revolutionary for me. It invites you to imagine yourself free from a particular concern or worry – to visualize who you would be and how you would feel if this thing simply didn't matter to you.

Often, we discover that our identity has become tangled with our concerns. We're the "responsible one" who worries about everything, the "successful one" who cares intensely about achievement, the "liked one" who obsesses over others' approval.

Imagining yourself without these concerns can reveal how much freedom awaits on the other side of release.

5. Is this truly MY concern, or have I inherited it?

This final question has been the most revealing for me personally. So much of what we care about – from status symbols to career trajectories to relationship timelines – we've inherited from others.

Our parents, our culture, our peer groups, our industries – all have transmitted explicit and implicit messages about what deserves our emotional energy.

When I trace a concern back to its source, I'm often surprised to discover it's not actually mine. It's my father's concern about financial stability, my industry's obsession with visible achievement, my culture's definition of success.

Recognizing the source allows me to make a conscious choice: Is this still something I want to care about, or am I ready to release this inherited concern?

Harness AI: Your Personalized Freedom Framework

Today's AI prompt is designed to help you develop your own personalized framework for selective caring. This is about creating clear criteria for what deserves your emotional energy and what doesn't.

1. Visit ChatGPT (https://chat.openai.com/)

2. Copy and paste the following prompt

3. Fill in your specific situation

4. Watch as AI helps you navigate your mental landscape

You are a Selective Caring Coach trained in helping high-achieving professionals allocate their emotional energy more strategically. Your expertise combines stoic philosophy, modern psychology, and practical mindfulness techniques.

My situation:
[Describe your specific circumstances - your profession, main stressors, things you feel obligated to care about, and areas where you suspect you're overinvesting emotional energy]

Please help me:

1. Create a "Caring Criteria Framework" - specific questions I can ask myself when deciding if something deserves my emotional energy

2. Identify my potential "caring traps" based on my situation - the specific types of situations where I likely waste emotional energy due to:
   - Professional conditioning
   - Family expectations
   - Social comparison
   - Fear-based thinking

3. Design 5 practical "caring redirection exercises" - specific techniques I can use in moments when I find myself caring too much about the wrong things

4. Develop language for setting "caring boundaries" with others who expect me to care about things that don't align with my values

Your advice should be practical, nuanced, and acknowledge that this is about strategic reallocation of caring, not becoming apathetic. Use a warm, supportive tone while being direct about hard truths.

HOW TO USE THE PROMPT

Here is the output I received for the example inputs above.

The Courage to Care Differently

The hardest part of learning to care less about most things wasn't the internal struggle – it was facing others' reactions.

When you stop performing care about what your social circle collectively agrees matters, there's confusion. Sometimes judgment. Occasionally concern.

But here's what I've learned: The discomfort passes. People adjust to your new way of allocating care. Some may even quietly envy your liberation.

And those who can't accept your authentic caring priorities?

They naturally drift to the periphery of your life, making space for those who appreciate your realigned heart.

The Liberation Formula: Reclaiming Your Authentic Life

I'm incredibly excited to share that after two years of living these principles and helping others implement them, I've distilled everything I've learned into what might be the most important work I've ever created.

"Unfulfilled Success: Reclaiming Your Life Beyond the Paycheck" is launching in just two weeks, and today I want to give my newsletter family an exclusive preview of what's inside.

This isn't just another self-help book with generic advice. It's the raw, battle-tested blueprint I wish I'd had years ago when I was trapped in those golden handcuffs in Singapore – successful on paper but empty inside.

The book goes deeper than anything I've ever shared publicly, including:

• The invisible scripts keeping you trapped.

• The vital difference between goal setting and crafting an aligned vision.

• How to build the courage required for real change.

• Practical ways to start integrating purpose, passion, potential, and prosperity.

This is your chance to begin shifting from just achieving to truly living.

Here's where you come in:

Instead of just telling you about the book when it launches, I want to make sure it addresses YOUR specific struggles with selective caring.

So here's what I'm proposing:

Reply to this email with the single biggest obstacle that makes it difficult for you to care less about the things that don't truly matter to you.

Is it fear of disapproval? Cultural expectations? Financial insecurity? Identity attachment to achievement? The habit of people-pleasing?

Whatever it is that makes selective caring difficult for you – I want to know.

Not only will I personally read every response, but I'll be incorporating these insights into the final chapter of the book – "Overcoming the Caring Traps" – to ensure it addresses the real-world challenges my community faces.

And as a thank you, everyone who replies will receive exclusive early access to the book three days before public launch, plus a special bonus I've created just for my newsletter family.

The path to freedom isn't found in caring about nothing – it's found in caring deeply about the right things. Your right things.

With all my heart (selectively given),

Stephan

P.S. Even if you don't have time for a lengthy reply, just sending a single sentence about what makes selective caring difficult for you would be incredibly helpful for ensuring the book addresses our community's real challenges. And yes, you'll still get early access and the bonus program as thanks!

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